HOLY CRAP!!! THAT DEAD GUY CAN FLY!!!!!

I'm glad America is tackling the tough issues. Like fake-wrestling doping scandals.

I know a snake that would like to meet her...

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) SUCKING THE WOUND AFTER ATTACK: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success. MILKING THE SNAKE: 1. Place 4 fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front. 2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion. 3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive and start spitting. 4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked. 5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes.

HAHAHA White house staffers you're so funny!!!!

Hey... remember that guy that totally f***ed up the American system of governance and openly admits to loving his "evil image"? Yeah... someone wrapped his car. Whoopee.

Elian II Electric Boogaloo!!!!

EVIL!!! CASTRO IS EVIL!!!! EVILLLL!!!! LIKE THE FRUITS OF THE DEVILLL EEVILL!!!!

TERRORISM!!!! ISLAMIC FUNDAMENTALISTS!!! PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE CRUMBLING U.S. CABINET!

Fox and CNN both had Gonzales resigning as less important news on the sidelines. WTF? Maybe we could dumb down the news even more and get some color commentary from Paris Hilton about the Vick dog-fighting case.

Baseball is out as an olympic sport, so F*** Greece

The birthplace of the most celebrated athletic competition in the world faces ruin, but hey, some suburban brat from dumbf***istan is playing baseball. (Title explanation: The olympic committee voted to eliminate baseball and softball as a sport after 2008)

CNN's Turn

CNN's turn to play odd-man-out. Greek wildfires are kind of big world news. CNN's coverage is more along the lines of "No Duh". (Sorry I can't be more creative... just ran 14+ miles on 2 hours of sleep for Hood to Coast.

August 24

Sorry everyone, no post today. Running in Hood to Coast. The largest relay event in the world!

Paris must be pissed

Good Job troops, you've fucked Iraq hard enough, time to pull out, now go fuck Nicole Richie, she's fresh out of jail and giving that "come hither" stare. (Side note... why was Nicole Richie's mugshot taken from an above angle? Did she hire a photog to do her booking?)

THATS PRESIDENT BUSH'S TEAM!!!!

You know what other Texas Ranger kicks ass? Walker.

Stranded my ass

The residents of New Orleans were stranded. Standing on a moving bulldozer does not qualify.

FLAMING HIPPIE GARBAGE!!!!

If only that hurricane was 1,000 miles north... it would blow that fire right out.

JERRY BRUCKHEIMER STRIKES AGAIN!!!

Actually... if I got out of an airplane exploding... I would be pretty comfortable... I would be pretty ok with that.

Sarah Jessica Parker goes for glory

Are they running away from the hurricane or the earthquake? Oh... its Fox so I guess they're running away from the truth.

Quick! Don't let DEAN Ruin America!!!!!

I guess you could say DEAN is SCREAMING towards the USA.

The earth feels like partying apparently...

Fox News has real news... shocking... Probably because the Earth is wobbling and shaking like Lilo in her basement on a Thursday night. (Blogger disclosure: Due to schedule, capture wasn't done until shortly after midnight on the 17th, apologies all around).

QUICK! Report CNN to the Department of Homeland Security!!!!

CNN and Al-Jazeera are using the same picture!!!! CNN is on the side of the terrorists!!!!
(Its funny how everyone else is reporting on the quake or other developments in Latin America and fox is covering a white guy leaving flowers for another dead white guy)

That Hurricane is tickling Hawaii like a pedo tickles.... well nevermind.

Notice "pedophile" is in quotations because he's never actually been convicted of anything.
(Not defending the guy, he looks like he whacks it to sado porn in his mom's basement, but come on... is a self-proclaimed pedo who has never acted on it really more important than a massive bomb that kills 175 people? Or a hurricane? ? ? ?)

That kebab would need a big barbecue

Fox news is about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop

THE SCHOOL BUS OF DESTINY!!!

Didn't every single child on that bus survive?

NO I DONT WANT A F***ING CRACKER!!!!

"Hey Tom... should we run the story about our soldiers fighting the Taliban or that piece
about the Cockatoo (hehehe I said COCK) that likes to swear?"

August 10th-Death Eaters wear black robes too you know.

Pat Robertson calls judges the "Black Robed Menace".

Like Godzilla?

You mean like a big Arab was stomping around or... like Godzilla... OH I GET IT... a big truck... wait... was the truck driven by a big Arab... or Godzilla? No? Well what's so scary then?

Pandering to idiots

Short answer, no. Long answer, no you stupid dipshit.

HITLER OSAMA OBAMA CLINTON HUSSEIN!!!

Hitler also enjoyed brownies, puppies, summer rains, and murdering millions of people.

(blogger note: due to data corruption the BBC headline today was captured roughly 9 hours
after the rest of the headlines)

At least its not a drunk pilot?

Seriously... does the Fox newsroom just have a Monkey throwing
darts at headlines?

See what happens when you let the government do something!!!!

Remember kids, government disaster assistance is one step away from COMMUNISM!!!

F*** you Barry Bonds

Barry Bonds... you're 1/20th the man Hank Aaron is, you steroid chugging
a**hole. Your record counts for nothing.

August 3-NO VINCENT NO!!!!

Hmm... Horrible flood... fake painting... lets go with the painting, cause its a
painting of a white guy.

August 2nd-Yikes... the world sucks

And I think to myself... what a wonderful world.

Today was a bad day

Today was bad pretty much for everyone.