DONT EAT THAT CANDY!!!!!!!!

Fox is slipping.

Farewell...Red Ships of Spain.

LOLZ IM IN UR MOOVEEE STEELIN YUR FAETH!!

Yeah... because not believing in God is a bad thing. Atheists don't have to put up with anything... like door to door Mormons, Jehovah's Witnesses, Islamic Fundamentalism, Bush, Liberty University, Trinity Broadcasting, The Christian Coalition, Focus on the Family, The Westboro Baptist Church, Pope Palpatine, insane Christian coworkers. Nope, God is fantastic, lets all have a big spoonful of God.

Care to join in Nietzsche?
GOD IS DEAD! Wait... so am I!

Housecleaning 101

Ahh, without the awesome headlines I was getting restless.
Hopefully Fox gets back to its usual antics. I need entertainment.

Booorrrrinng

Ever since the wildfires, Fox got boring.

Snap

Whoever put that kid in jail for doing it with his girlfriend needs to get a hammer in the junk-sack.

Does anyone even read this blog?

Yesterday my traffic was 4... 4!

I wonder...

Is California still on fire? Yeah, pretty much.

Prediction

Once elections heat up (no pun intended) the Republican noise crew (including Fox) will blame these fires on Hillary Clinton. (Just watch, I'll reference back to this prediction when it happens).

Sweet mother of god

California decided to become a fiery orgy of death.

Fox is for the birds

Turkey attacking fighters in Iraq? The Pakistan bombings? The Republican presidential nomination? California wildfires? Nope, MLB doping is the top story of the day. They report, you sit there drooling.

Perhaps the South should search for intelligence instead?

Please help me understand... how exactly does a metal detector find water?

I call him Douche, but feel free to call him Gold Rush if you want to...

Hey Rush... how's the drug problem?

Really tiny watermelons threaten America

Michael Mukasey promises extra hard (wink) not to torture.*

*Torture refers to what America does not do.**

**America may engage in activity that could be considered unconstitutional if applied to interrogations of Al Qaeda suspects. Torture is defined as anything that "must be equivalent in intensity to pain accompanying serious physical injury, such as organ failure, impairment of bodily function, or even death". Anything below that is fair game. America reserves the right to rendition, trial without due process or habeas corpus, water boarding, or just be a dick to you.

Bitch shoulda followed the rules.

If I was the owner of Mutts and Moms, I'd kill the dog, just to teach Ellen a lesson.

Arrggghhhhhh yaaaa gonna report some real news?!!!

I'm not diggin' on the Dalai Lama, cause he's a cool cat, but can we rename him "Dr. Obvious"?

Dalai Lama - "The world would be a better place if we were nice to each other instead of angry".

Well stated Dr. Obvious.

Even the Terminator needs luvin

I'd like you to meet my wife, Pleasuredrone 5000. There are a few things wrong with that headline.
1) Is it actually ILLEGAL right now to have sex with a robot? It's essentially just a person-shaped vibrator. 2) The actual article says that one scientist in the Netherlands thinks that MAYBE one day in 43 years one state will legalize marriage to a robot. Meanwhile in the real world... actual news is happening.
I'm Sorry Dave. I can't do THAT.

Traffic in LA? What are the odds!!!!?

Somewhere on Fark an obvious tag is assploding.

(The Daily Headlines is new and improved! Now featuring the International Herald Tribune and the Christian Science Monitor!)

Myanmar... Iraq or.... a 6 year old girl....?

The greatest part about today is the fact that Fox, in addition to ignoring the major news is reporting a non issue. The family was not actually fined and in the text of the article, it actually says that the family was issued a form letter which is standard procedure for all complaints and the city councilman was even quoted as saying, "It was never the intent of my law to capture chalk drawings on the sidewalk". This really is a non-issue. So why is it on the front page of a national media source? Even better is the fact that only 10 minutes after they posted the headline, they changed it to this:
How is a form letter sent because it had to be sent... which basically was passed off as an "oops, our bad" by the city "Street Terror"?

Captain America, camel jockies, and redneck diseases

Morning, noon, or night. Fox news knows no limit in cotton-candy headlines. Gotta hand it to CNN this afternoon too, lets all take a moment to reflect on how the Hannah Montana ticket shortage will affect our lives.

Please also note the 3rd Fox headline. Yes... it is a breeding ground for disease. Read the article here. Need more evidence... here are some typical NASCAR fans.
Classy.

Classier.

Classiest.

As if being a Nascar fan wasn't bad enough... they have to bang NASCAR fan women. I would... except I can get the same effect by sticking my junk in a trash can.

A rich redneck is still a redneck.

Teenager pretends to be a Blackwater operative

Snap... that kid had a metric ass-load of weapons. Enough to equip a private security contractor.

HOLY F!@$! DOUBLE HEADLINE BATMAN!!!!

Comic books and swearing. Just another award winning day for Fox.
(Today was too fun not to include the morning and evening headlines)

U.S. warns of unilateral action against Iraq...wait... what?

So... the U.S. is warning Turkey against unilateral action? Turkey should Vick Iraq.

Barack Obama is a godless idol-worshipping pagan

Oh woops... I forgot that trying to be tolerant and actually live the bible's message doesn't make you "Christian enough" to the Evangelicals. The full text of the obama article is here Isn't it odd that a group such as the Evangelicals or "jellys" can be pro life and at the same time be pro death-penalty? They can also be pro-life and pro-rendition. How is Barack Obama attending a liberal Christian church scary? Up until the 1930's black people were lynched in public... they were segregated until the middle of the century and now we act like they owe US something? WTF mate. I would much rather have a President that talks about making a peaceful kingdom on earth than one that thinks God personally comes out of the sky and tells him to do stuff like oh say...
A mission from God... almost like a... Crusade?

"That's my boy! You get 'im Dubya!!! Smoke 'em out!"

Paraders get Pwned!!!!

Tomorrow is Columbus Day, the day Europe discovered a vast uninhabited continent full of resources just ripe for the taking. Just kidding. It was inhabited by millions upon millions of people with their own distinct cultures and customs, Columbus Day marked the beginning of a genocide that lasted centuries and culminated in white people playing slot machines in buildings that look like tee pees. HAPPY COLUMBUS DAY EVERYONE!!!!!

D'bags sweep playoffs

D'backs... oh... my bad. Sorry everyone. Its awesome that al-jazeera qualified their headline with quotation marks... Musharraf "wins". If by win... you mean completely ignored any semblance of law and just did what he wanted to (bush), then you would be correct. Also, a member of congress died, but sports headlines are way more important anyway.

Funny thing on the Fox news website... this was at the bottom of the page with the other opinion columns...
The full text of the article is as follows:

Truth or Consequences

The Washington state Supreme Court has ruled that the government cannot stop political candidates from lying in campaign ads. The court ruled five-to-four that a state law aimed at punishing political candidates for false advertising violates free speech rights.

Justice Jim Johnson wrote for the majority — "There can be no doubt that false personal attacks are too common in political campaigns, with wide-ranging detrimental consequences ... However, government censorship ... is not a constitutionally permitted remedy."

But Justice Barbara Madsen called the ruling — "An invitation to lie with impunity." And she added — "It is little wonder that so many view political campaigns with distrust and cynicism."

I understand the 1st amendment issues here... but... aren't flat out lies about someone considered... defamation?

NO PIN!!!!! F*CKING COMMIE!!!!!

If this doesn't demonstrate Fox News' bias then nothing does.
These people deserve a special place in hell for distorting the media to such a crazy degree. I decided to show everyone how full of crap Fox is by compiling photos of the presidential candidates from the Republican team. Enjoy.

Mit Romney: Old, Mormon, unpatriotic

Senator Brownback: A no-pin-wearing IED-planting terrorist.

Fred Thompson and the Chief Justice, both disrespecting the victims of 9/11 and lady liberty herself without their pins.

I don't heart Huckabee unless he sports the flag in miniature form... on his lapel. Bastard.

America's Mayor? Or America's Douchebag? Where's your pin? Must have left it at home... traitor.

Seriously now... John Mccain was tortured in Vietnam and volunteered to stay a P.O.W. so as to avoid the appearance of favoritism. If you say he's not a patriot you deserve to have your genitals torn out through your mouth, and he's not sportin' the pin.

Who is this handsome man? Oh... its the President... without a pin.

Essentially Jesus to conservatives. He doesn't have a pin.

The point of all this is that if cast a ballot for a candidate based on their choice in wearing or not wearing a tiny metal flag pin... you don't deserve to vote.

Insubordinate black man... meet closeted senator

Well this simply wont do, poofy senators and darkies that don't know their place. What say you 19th century spot-illustration man?
Well said 19th century illustration man. Well said.

OH NO NOT THE ROAD!!

Maybe the road should go to counseling... then it wouldn't threaten people... or their property.

(Nobody wants to enter my contest? Nobody wants FREE ADVERTISING? FREE ADVERTISING? I'm GIVING AWAY a FREE BANNER AD that nobody wants?) See September 30th for details.